Hollow Bones: I Cannot…

So Sleepy Hollow and Bones had a crossover and… I don’t even know how to review it. To best sum it up it was kind of cute and entirely unnecessary. I mean…okay. Bones has been on for eleven seasons so I guess I understand trying to keep this fresh and Sleepy Hollow, well, Sleepy Hollow probably needed a bit of a ratings boost. Fair enough. And I guess no one (really? No one?) could pass up the opportunity of having two weirdos like Crane and Brennan interact in that way that everyone thinks they’ll get along swimmingly in some warped sense of solidarity but they don’t. It didn’t further the plot of either show and was mostly pointless but I guess that was the point. Pointless fun.

I Haven’t watched Bones since roughly around the time I planned on studying forensic psychology and anthropology. Didn’t happen. I was just glad I managed to avoid the sucker punch to the feels that is what happened to Sweets who was one of my favorite characters before I ducked out a few years ago. So I wasn’t sure what it had in store for me. I can conclude that Hodges is still my dude and I didn’t miss the stitled way Brennan delivers her lines.

Apparently the Bones crew has the remains of General Howe and Ichabbie had to go retrieve them but not without some back and forth with Brennan. It’s eventually resolved with a fake signature that Crane forged which defies the realm of possibility because the only logical conclusion is that he signed it 200 years ago and that’s illogical.

Here’s the thing, if I were a Bones fan this crossover would annoy me because, even though it’s been eleven seasons, the course of the show changed the second they left them open to the possibility of the supernatural. Bones’ entire premise is the opposite of all of that. It’s one of the things that makes for awkwardness with this entire crossover business.

The Bones team’s reaction to Crane is that of wonder. Perhaps we’ve gotten so accustomed to Crane and his attire that it’s easy to forget that to the rest of the world he’s an oddball. I mean his attire is definitely more tame compared to what it used to be. Hodges being the weirdo that he is loves it and even makes a cosplay joke, and it’s one of all of three of their moments together (the other favorite being their gift bump). It’s what is unfortunate about the crossover. They wanted to spend time drawing parallels between ichabbie and Brennan and Booth (though they dropped the ball on that too) and drawing out the conflicting brilliant minds of Crane and Brennan, that they didn’t give us what could easily have been the been bromance with Hodge and Crane. Hodge is equal parts nerd and geek with a healthy dose of dork. He also is all about the supernatural. Having Crane and Abbie there and not giving Hodge these moments seems like a colossal waste and another reminder that Bones and Sleepy Hollow universes weren’t designed to coexist together.

Crane came across like a caricature of himself in the Bones universe. Everything was so exaggerated and extra, including everyone’s response to him. And can we talk about the eyebrow? Tom Mison’s eyebrow is its own damn character! Is it on payroll? It should be on payroll. I don’t think it came down from its perfectly shaped arc on his forehead the entire first hour.What kind of sorcery. ….

For what it was worth the running gag was that the entire Bones team kept assuming that Ichabbie were an item and when Crane vehemently denied it like he didn’t sort a few nights of the past two plus years entertaining the thought in his dreams,  Brennan hit him with the logic of having a better working relationship if they just had sex. Just like her and Booth. Okay. It’s pro Abbie so I’ll excuse the ridiculous position of that particular brand of logic. But the entire Bones hour was pro Ichabbie and the entire Sleepy Hollow hour acted as if none of that ever happened. Oh this show!

For Abbie’s part, her experience with the Bones team was limited to her and Booth sort of bonding over the fact that he apparently knew Corbin and Corbin bragged about her like the proud papa that was. Their other moment boiled down to Booth pulling an Abbie later on when the two pairs got separated in the Mason’s lair, and were forced to deal with greek fire and nepalm.  And Booth’s interaction with Crane was pretty much limited to him empathizing over having a name that you can’t find on a Keychain or Coke bottle.

Booth did seem to have some understanding of the supernatural which made this entire crossover situation weird. It was almost implied that he had some knowledge but never confirmed because of the nature of the two shows and it made things dicey.

To sum it up, Pandora unleashed a zombie army to raise all kinds of hell while the kiddies were trick or treating. Team witness had to shut it all down. They kicked a little ass and got their asses kicked, mainly Crane. Crane has been getting in on the physical action which has been great.

There was a great moment of dress up where team witness were bowling. Abbie dressed as Beyonce was a dream. Crane dressed as forefather and getting teased about it and how indecipherable it is from usual look. And Crane’s new flame was dressed as his old flame Betsy, except even though it was supposed to be sexy it still had nothing on the crap they make Nikki Reed wear. It was great seeing the gang hanging out and honestly the entire episode could have been dedicated to just that and I would have been content. Hell, at least it would have acknowledged how and when Abbie and Joe reconciled their differences. I mean it’s the first scene they shared together since last season.

There was a mandatory Booby Ross flashback. There was important spy stuff, heavy breathing to imply some urgency, and boobs. Listen, I checked out through most of this affair so don’t ask.

Joenny had their b plot of dealing with Freckles who apparently works with Atticus, a former friend of Corbin.A shady friend of Corbin. Enough to have them both questioning whether or not Corbin was on the up and up. Jenny kept the faith. Joey on the other hand has his doubts, and he has every reason to. He didn’t really know everything about his father. His father kept him in the dark about a lot so it wouldn’t be a surprise if his father was involved in some shady business though it would be surprising if he used Jenny to do black market dealing of anything of the sort. The shard business isn’t interesting but the impact of delving into the past and Corbin’s secrets and their own different relationships has been most interesting. The inadequacy and confusion Jenny faces meeting Freckles who clearly knew Corbin. The ongoing issues Joe deals with knowing that he had to share his dad with the Mills sisters. Joenny bonding with one another. Again, I would have watched an entire episode about that alone.

But here’s my biggest frustration of the episode. Abbie encouraging Crane to pursue Zoe. Fine. Whatever. I don’t really recall Crane actually being into Zoe. Which makes it forced. But I get it. Abbie with her intimacy issues and her facing the fact that she can’t lose Crane but she’s let him in more than she ever anticipated. She’s putting some distance between them by keeping him preoccupied with Zoe. It makes sense to some degree.

My problem is, I can’t in good conscience jump about another train of watching Tom Mison pretend to be interested in another woman that he has no chemistry with. We’ve done this before. This is the third time. Tom Mison is fantastic. Nicole Beharie is fantastic. They’re amazing actors individually and together. They have incredible chemistry that is like lightning in a bottle. They spend entirely too much time trying to diffuse the natural chemistry between the two instead of just utilizing it.

This isn’t just a matter of shipping Ichabbie. They haven’t presented us with a woman yet who Tom Mison has chemistry with outside of the Mills sisters, and that includes the woman who played his wife. And he’s a man that can’t fake the chemistry which makes it comical and cringe worthy at the same time when he’s put in another position where he’s trying to force it with someone. It’s painful to watch. It’s not an Ichabbie shipping thing. It’s a do they even screen or test people to make sure they’re compatible anymore type of thing.

On the flip side of this, Nicole Beharie has chemistry with anything that moves. It’s like magic. It’s like her own special blend of black girl magic. She hasn’t encountered a single character male or female who she hasn’t had some sort of something intriguing with. Yet, there has been about three romances involving Crane and nothing involving Abbie.

It’s not Abbie’s job to be put in hold until Crane decided to pursue her, if that is in the cards at all. She’s a smart and beautiful, talented woman. She should be cherished and desired and noticed, by someone who isn’t Crane. I really need them to stop using what I presume is her abandonment issues and intimacy issues to justify her being single.  To just fun her being desexualized and not viewed as romantically viable. It’s frustrating. She’s had about four to five different men who have shown some interest, relationships that were implied but not worthy enough to be seen on screen. Why not use her relationship with another male to fit her explore her character flaws and develop her character? Especially when it would be more fruitful then seeing Crane in another quirky courtship?

The closest we’ve gotten is the implications of her relationship with Luke Morales and now the same thing with Danny. I like Daniel Reynolds. The connect over their mutual career ambitions and rather than that being used against her as it is so often done in fiction, it brings her closer to him. They’ve had a nice partnership and implied that it used to be more and hinted that it could be something again, but we’ve been down this road so I doubt once again that anything will come from it. Especially now that she’s clearly in hot water with him after he’s been giving her a long leash to do her own thing but now her siblings are in trouble. It’ll certainly test the bit of relationship they actually have.

I love this show. I’m a committed Sleepyhead. I’ll watch it to the bitter end which may be sooner ewe her the later at this point. They’ve made up in many ways from their abysmal second season but I still need more. I almost want to rescue Tom Mison, Nicole Beharie, Lyndie Greenwood and even Zach Appelman and transport them to a project that knows how to utilize them properly and their talents. I selfishly want them together still. Is there a rendition of Leverage that they could be on instead? Can we have Miharie in a romantic comedy together? Or an action flick or spy thriller? I just….Til next time.

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